This week has been such a craze of stress, physically, emotionally, spiritually. Monday at the doctors for my annual, I was told there was a lump and I needed a mammogram and sonogram. First of all isn't the annual bad enough then to have to be told this! Come on gals you know what I am talking about! ha! I was immediately scared to death. I thought my grandmother died from breast cancer, I have been exposed to so much chemo and radiation in nursing, Oh My I know it is cancer, I just knew and the tears pummeled down my cheeks.
Funny how one minute I am happy go lucky fine and then I hit the wall, hard! Wow, why do I let my emotions get the best of me. I called my Momma, no answer, my father, no answer, so then I called my Mother-In -Law to go with me. I thought I could just walk in and get it done, nope try again! I had to make and appointment! Next Thursday they said. Me: That's the earliest? Them: Yes, you can try to call to see if there are any cancellations in a few days. Me: OK Thanks, I left and cried more. What is happening, it was crazy. Why not right now, I am so young! So my Mother-in-law and I want to lunch at this cute place in Westminster and it was a nice distraction. But still in my head, in my 20's I should be having babies not mammograms! Ha! Really, is this happening? And there are a million things that are benign but I know I must have the things that isn't. I think since I have become a nurse I am much more hypochondriac-ish and less realistic! I hate that! Ha!
I was able to get a hold of my parents and they were concerned but they are very strong spiritually and said were going to pray and give it to God and your going to be fine. That helped too, but I was still scared. And the moments that it was the worst were the times I was alone. The long drives home, to and from work, and in the quiet of my home. Although I prayed, it never felt like enough, I still couldn't let it go and it was just so scary to me. I thought you need to have faith, but then I though of those very faithful people in my life who I have seen overcome or not from cancer, Bad things happen to good people ya know! This is the crazy stuff I told myself. My mind was just everywhere! My parents were great they called and made sure I was okay in the downtime, they know me so well- that I would be driving myself crazy! Which is funny because usually I don't "over the top" worry about much!
I am so thankful to be able to say that it was a false alarm, I am fine, completely normal and healthy where this is concerned. Sigh! Thanks, God! I was able to move my appointment up 1 week earlier and they gave me the results right after the tests. There was also this mammogram anxiety because everyone says it hurts, it rough... well it' not something I enjoyed but it wasn't that bad! Thanks to everyone who prayed, although not many people knew, and to my family and friends who were there for me in this unnerving experience. Monica, the pedicure was much needed and helpful! Ha!
I know not everyone is blessed with a good outcome and my life has been touched by some wonderful women who did not, who hold a very special place in my heart.
I saw this at a women of faith conference years ago, it is definitely inspiring...
